Learning to suck to suck less
I feel stuck in my life, yet there’s so much energy within me, waiting for the right moment to explode. I've always wondered how it is that I put so much thought into my life and life in general and still I'm stuck.
Now, I have a hunch why I'm stuck. Because I don’t allow myself to suck. I subconsciously do everything to hide from everyone how much I suck.
As a kid, I was told I’m smart. And being called smart sucks, because now, whenever I do something and I fail, it’s proof I’m dumb. So what I did?
I started avoiding situations where I might be judged as potentially dumb. I’ve learned countless techniques to suck less or at least to feel a bit competent even before trying.
Welcome to my world.
One of the most efficient ways to avoid being dumb is not doing anything. If I don’t do anything, I can’t suck. If I don’t suck, I can keep the impression I'm still smart. An additional benefit is I can continue daydreaming about how good I’d be if I only tried.
A similar approach is consciously or subconsciously failing at a given task or endeavor. Postpone work until the last moment. Procrastinate. That way, I can always excuse myself that I didn’t have enough time to make my best effort or blame external factors for not succeeding. Not my fault. Or maybe my fault, but not because I suck.
Another technique is being a couch philosopher. I won’t do anything, but I'll read hundreds of articles, a couple of books, and commentaries. I know nothing practical, but in conversation I can appear knowledgeable. Additional benefits:
- every topic or action seems so complex, it’s not worth spending more time on
- the fun, practical part is postponed until I finally know something, which is probably… never
- at some point, I lose track of why I even started investigating the topic
Example?
Can I tell you how many times I’ve tried picking up photography? Damn, first I need decide which camera and a lens to buy. It's a nightmare!
I need to read all about different functionalities of the camera, understand the trade-offs, how lenses work, how sensors work, ISO, shutter speed, aperture, white balance, filters. This is just the tip of the iceberg - there are hundreds of lenses for different photo styles, composition techniques, settings for different weather conditions.
Ugh, it's so overwhelming and infinitely complex from the get go.
You know what's more? Once I've managed to pretend I know something, I can't do anything, because every actions seems like a risk of exposure how incompetent I am. Lose-lose situation.
Another technique that served me well: copycatting and learning best practices. In the end no one is blamed for following standard solutions. I delegate the organization, learning, and thinking process to someone else. It feels safe as I can maintain my image. And that’s what matters.
But there are also dark sides.
Nothing feels really original, nothing is really new, nothing exciting. There is always someone who has already done or put a lot of thought in what I want to accomplish. Nothing is really worth pursuing.
On the other hand, even following best practices require deeper understanding, so my perfectionism kicks in, and I spend many hours to mask my incompetence. But hey, what’s the alternative? Admit to myself and worse, to others that I suck?
Nah.
I hate admitting that I suck at most things I do. But to free myself, I’ve decided to make 2026 the year of “Learn to Suck,” which I like to call “Create and Connect.”
I want to suck hard. But sucking hard is not enough. I want to suck publicly, so everyone can see how incompetent I am. I want to suck so hard that my eyes are soaking wet and I feel like the dumbest person in the world. I want to accept it, bring joy back, and invite fun into my life again.
This blog is a direct response to that. I’ll publish here my raw ideas, photos, and other musings. I won’t use AI support except for English grammar correction, so I can learn from mistakes and make sure my thoughts are conveyed clearly.
As you can imagine, I’ve read best practices for writing viral blog posts. I don’t give a damn. Here, I’m writing for fun. For sucking at writing blog posts.